


Don't Judge A Book

by Silver_Sterling



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Background Gajevy, Brotherly Zeref, Choking, Description of Injuries, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Gratsu - Freeform, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Modern AU, PTSD, Recovery, Slow Burn, Stingue is not background lmao there's a lot of stingue and will be way more in later chapters, Underage Drinking, but not centred around school (there's barely any) they're just that age, but not centred around school they're just that age, stingue
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-30
Updated: 2016-10-23
Packaged: 2018-07-22 03:01:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 15,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7417039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silver_Sterling/pseuds/Silver_Sterling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Just your average high school au.</p><p>[Abandoned unless I get back into Fairy Tail, sorry.]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sixth Form

It had been a month since Natsu had started sixth form. Unfortunately new laws had come in which meant he had to stay in education instead of following his original plan to work as soon as possible to support his family. Zeref had suggested (well, forced) Natsu to keep his options open and study subjects he liked instead of taking an apprenticeship.

Starting a completely new school in a new area was uncomfortable, Natsu hated change, but with Zeref at university it was cheaper to move into a smaller flat on the other side of town so that’s what he did. His life had been ruled by money and debt instead of his heart for as long as he could remember, ever since his foster father had gone missing. On the plus side he and Zeref had made friends with other people whose parents also disappeared at that time. It was like a support group where money and advice were traded regularly to help the six teenagers survive.

One person out of that support group had transferred to Fairy Tail Academy too, but Gajeel was hardly one for conversation. However Natsu did have one thing from Gajeel to be grateful for: Lucy.

After he showed an unlikely interest in a blue-haired girl from the common room, Natsu had taken it upon himself to drag Gajeel over and introduced them both to the mystery girl and her blonde friend. Nowadays Natsu usually spent his time with Lucy while Gajeel sat in the library with Levy. Sometimes they ate together but that was as far as the friendship went.

People seemed to be intimidated by Natsu here. He knew he wasn’t the sharpest knife in the draw but apparently lower grades paired with casual fighting and living in a ‘rough’ area meant Natsu was someone to look out for. People scurried out of the way when he strolled through the corridors with his hands on the back of his neck, looking more relaxed than threatening. People avoided the entire area he sat in with Gajeel in their free periods without the girls. People judged him silently wherever he went.

What didn’t help was the fact that he was never on time to class. Actually, he had been reminiscing about his time at Fairy Tail Academy while on the way to his new history class. Lucy had persuaded the teachers to let him transfer into her class to make it easier for him to catch up with work. Observant enough to notice Natsu was always oversleeping and dozing off around school but not going as far as to pry before trying to help, this was why Lucy was his best friend.

“That’s it!” shouted a stern voice from the classroom. “Out Fullbuster. Miss Alberona you can move to the front here. NOW!”

Natsu heard a few unintelligible grunts followed by laughter before the door was slammed open in his face. A raven-haired boy sauntered out of the classroom wearing a pendant necklace and open white shirt which exposed his muscular chest and abs. He turned to scowl at the ginger guy giggling at him before looking back at the ancient history teacher.

“What’s the big deal? No one’s complaining, Gramps,” he drawled. “Oops I mean Sir.”

The emphasis put on the term of respect only fuelled the tiny teacher’s rage as the boy smirked and closed the door.

His attention turned to the gobsmacked teenager standing outside the class. Natsu had been home-schooled by his father then by Zeref so in his little time at school he had never seen someone act so disrespectfully towards a teacher. His eyes narrowed at the boy’s rude behaviour.

“Staring much, shorty? What are you gay or something?” The snide remark snapped Natsu out of his shocked state. He began to push past the troublemaker and into the classroom.

“Something like that, yeah. Shame I’m not into arrogant bastards though.” And with that he left the teen out in the corridor and hurried over to Lucy.

_That guy’s gonna get on my nerves. I can tell._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N This fic goes along with my headcanons that Natsu is pan and Gray is bi. That’s what Natsu meant when answering “something like that”.


	2. Detention

After waving goodbye to Lucy and promising to text her later, Natsu headed to his History detention. For some reason Natsu’s tardiness and a few minor accidents (such as swinging his bag over his shoulder and shattering a window and also destroying a chair or two with violent fidgeting) deserved to be punished. He couldn’t understand why. At least it gave him an hour of peace and quiet to nap before rushing off to his job.

Walking in, he found the half-naked boy from earlier lounging across the desk right next to the broken window. Bare-chested and right next to a draught of chilly October air, was he crazy? Although Natsu had been completely adamant that he was not interested in the taller teen, anyone would admit that he was pretty attractive. Looking over him again Natsu took in the soft charcoal hair that swept over his eyes, just about hiding a scar across his forehead. His features were sharp yet soft at the same time. However heavy lids drooping over his midnight blue eyes made him look more pissed off than anything else. Natsu shook his head as the slight pounding of his heart subsided. _This guy has a terrible attitude remember? Zeref told you to stay away from people like him._

“Mr Dragneel please go and sit down. We’d all like to get this over and done with.” Came a stern voice from behind him. Realising he had been standing in the doorway lost in thought for a good ten minutes, Natsu rushed to the back of the classroom and sat down. The arrogant boy turned to raise his eyebrows at Natsu with a slight smirk playing on his lips to be greeted with a snarl.

“Right, you can both leave at 4:30. There’s a choice of either schoolwork or sitting in silence until then.” Mr Dreyar said before burying himself in marking and paperwork. Giving one final glare to the annoying troublemaker, Natsu leant over on the desk and nuzzled his face into his arms for a long needed sleep.

***

Flash click. Flash click.

Natsu’s eyes fluttered open at the bright light that roused him from the pleasant dream he had been having. Now he was met with a nightmare. A snickering, raven-haired arsehole looking between the phone in his hand and Natsu’s confused expression.

“What the fuck...” He mumbled as he ran a hand through his messy pink hair. “Oi bastard. Delete that right now, I mean it. Where’s Mr Dreyar anyway?”

“He left at 4:30 and gave me the responsibility of waking you up.” The taller boy smirked, “Of course I had some fun first and decided sleeping beauty would be quite the model for my photography.”

Suddenly Natsu lunged for the phone in the teen’s outstretched hand. The hand was snatched away and instead held tauntingly over the shorter boy’s head. Natsu leapt forward again, only for the phone to be moved just of reach. This game of cat and mouse continued for a few minutes before the owner got bored and tucked the phone safely in his pocket.

“Delete. My. Picture.” Natsu growled.

“Sorry princess, no can do. I’m an art student so just think of it as helping a friend with his coursework eh?” he laughed “Or maybe just as payment for not letting you oversleep… too much.”

Glancing at the clock, Natsu saw it was 5:07. His eyes widened as he immediately dashed out of the room. That guy and whatever he was doing could wait. His job had already been threatened over turning up late to work so this little incident was the last thing he needed. Cobra was going to kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N For anyone wondering what subjects the characters take I’ll put a list below and also write the subjects in order of blocks so whichever subjects are written first run at the same time etc. Anyone doing the same subject will be in the same class.
> 
> Cana – English, Sociology & History  
> Gajeel – Music, Tech & History  
> Gray – Art, Tech & History  
> Levy – English, Spanish, History & French  
> Loke – P.E., Sociology & History  
> Lucy – English, Sociology, History & French  
> Natsu – P.E., Tech & History


	3. Gray Fullbuster

Stumbling through the kitchen panting and groaning from remnants of motion sickness, Natsu collided head first with Sting.

“Natsu! Where were you, I had to cover your ass for half an hour while Cobra was sniffing around in here. Now he’s pissed with both of us you know? Rogue told me to stop coming to your rescue again and again and maybe I should have listened because-” the blond cashier stopped mid-babble to stare incredulously at Natsu “What the hell happened to your face?”

Raising an eyebrow, Natsu quickly checked his reflection in a shiny countertop. Thick, black circles surrounded his eyes coupled with a cute button nose and whiskers.

“Fucking art student bullshit! Argh the arsehole I was in detention with must have drawn this while I was asleep.”

“You walked through town like this? Didn’t you get funny looks? Anyway pandas don’t even have whiskers do they? What animal was he even going for…” Sting’s usual stream of questions and commentary continued as usual as they headed for the bathroom and started scrubbing.

After five minutes Sting pointed out the possibility that it was permanent marker. He offered to go find Yukino and borrow some of her make up to cover it up. The two boys then began slathering foundation all over Natsu’s neck and face.

“Her skin is so much paler than yours, you look like a ghost!” Sting laughed as they finally returned to the kitchen and headed for the tills. “Cobra’s going to kill us you know… and Rogue. Luckily Tuesday evenings are never that busy eh?”

Natsu just sighed. He had known Sting for long enough to be able to zone out and not be in danger of missing anything important. Usually he was just as loud and they spent the time chatting and making jokes while customers stood around waiting. However on days like these Natsu would just space out and let his body handle the menial tasks in front of him. Sting’s constant chatter was good white noise and allowed Natsu to block out his thoughts for a while.

“How did you describe that guy again? I might know him. Black hair, droopy eyes, open shirt…” Sting’s face screwed up in concentration while an impatient customer tutted from behind the counter. Reaching for a few items on the hot plate, Sting turned round and plastered on his biggest customer service smile before serving the lady and tapping Natsu on the shoulder. “I know a guy like that! Comes in here sometimes usually late at night, usually moody and doesn’t talk a lot. He reminds me of Rogue actually. His name’s Gray I think…”

The pink headed cashier just nodded, frowning at this new information. He would have to ask Lucy about this ‘Gray’ tomorrow after he borrowed her make-up of course.

***

“Gray Fullbuster? From our history class?” Lucy asked the next morning while coating Natsu in bronzer “His group of friends are probably the most popular people in our year. I’m surprised you haven’t heard of them before.”

She went on to explain how Gray only hung around with two others from their history class, Loke and Cana. The threesome had been best friends since Loke transferred three years ago and had used a combination of good looks, drugs and alcohol to become the most popular people in Fairy Tail. They were invited to every party even though they barely spoke with anyone except themselves.

Loke was a notorious player. He’d been sleeping around and cheating ever since he came to the academy. Still girls threw themselves at him for either his dashing good looks or the chance to be well known for a day or two. There had also been rumours that he had ‘got off with’ both Gray and Cana. He was just as famous for being able to source a huge amount of a drug he called ‘stardust’. It was said he always wore sunglasses so no one could tell if he was high.

Next came Cana, the infamous alcoholic of Fairy Tail. She was constantly drinking or drunk in lessons and out but had never once been caught. Her father wasn’t around often so she would often host house parties or just raid the liquor cupboard for herself. No one had ever won a drinking contest against her and no one had seen her sober except Gray and Loke.

Finally there was Gray, the leader of the pack. There wasn’t anything particularly special about Gray. He was always dark, brooding and reserved which was a popular type with the girls. Add his good looks, quiet confidence and ability to shed clothes without batting an eye and you had people coming out of your ears who both admired and wanted to ‘fix’ Gray. However around his friends he seemed to change and was often loud, readily picking fights any day. His smart mouth got him in a lot of trouble and he normally wouldn’t leave school until late for some reason. He could usually be found smoking behind the history block with Loke and Cana.

The three often ditched classes or majorly disrupted the ones they were in. All in all, no one knew much about the three except for their overwhelming reputations. _Well I know that Gray’s an utter bastard._ Thought Natsu as they headed to class.


	4. Fight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Description of a fight, choking and extremely brief suicide mention. If you want to avoid these stop reading after Loke speaks.

About a week had passed since the permanent marker incident and Natsu’s irritation and dislike for Gray Fullbuster was on a steady incline. The pair constantly bickered and scowled at each other in lessons. Natsu had since realised he also shared a technology class with Gray who was fortunately much more tame without his two friends. Although that didn’t stop him from constantly smirking at Natsu and flicking odd bits of wood and metal at him from across the classroom.

After a particularly infuriating session, Natsu stormed out to find Lucy waiting for him in the corridor caged between a tall, ginger boy’s arms. Shooting a desperate look at Natsu, Lucy begged for help where she was clearly uncomfortable. Pent up frustration from the last hour surged into Natsu’s voice as he interrupted a particularly cheesy pick-up line.

“Hey bastard. Leave Lucy alone. Can’t you see she’s not interested?” he called.

Licking his lips the boy turned around and smiled.

“Excuse me for treating a lady to some fine company for once.” The teen replied “By the looks of it, she was in need of some more intelligent conversation.”

Natsu’s fists clenched as he glared down the corridor at the boy he roughly recognised from his history class. This must be Loke. Without thinking he pelted forwards, fist outstretched, and collided with Loke’s jaw. He quickly motioned for Lucy to get out the way before receiving a swift kick in the stomach. Coughing he stumbled back into something heavy which placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Oi Salamander this guy was hitting on shrimp the other day, makin’ her feel real uncomfortable. Let me handle this.” Came a growl from behind him.

“Gajeel! I want to fight too, he hurt Lucy…”

“Why don’t you take your little friend behind us then? 2 vs 2.”

Spinning around Natsu saw Gray scowling at him, his head cocked slightly to one side. A silent challenge. Maybe letting Gajeel handle Loke wasn’t the worst idea.

Soon the halls were filled with echoes of flesh hitting flesh and grunts of pain. Lucy had never witnessed anything like it. She was currently pacing around, fretting about how to stop Natsu while also waiting for Levy to turn up and take control of Gajeel. A short text to let her know that Levy was on her way and was sure she could persuade Gajeel to stop was comforting but everything had escalated so quickly so far that there was no telling when a disaster would strike. For now the boys kept fighting.

Gajeel was rock solid in his stance and defence. You could almost feel how hard his punches were, watching his arms fly straight out and effortlessly extend where any normal person could reach. Pummelling everywhere except Loke’s face (where he dodged every single time no matter the circumstances) Gajeel’s stamina stayed strong however you could tell from his darkening expression that his attacks weren’t hitting as hard as he’d like.

Loke was light on his feet. If he didn’t dodge the iron fists flying at him, he moved in such a way to easily soften the blow. He moved fast and although the hits he landed were few and far between his whole weight was thrown into each one, already giving his opponent nasty bruises across his cheek and chest. What you really had to look out for were his kicks, his foot seemed to gravitate to any soft flesh he could find causing Gajeel to groan loudly through gritted teeth. All in all they seemed to be a pretty even match. Fighting for respect rather than to purposely hurt the other.

Natsu and Gray were a different story.

Natsu’s lip had split open and swollen up as Gray continued to hit him in the same place, covering his fist in the enemy’s blood. Angry, red welts covered Gray’s arms and chest from where Natsu had scratched him, tearing through his skin so blood trickled along the painful marks. Both were kicking, punching and clawing at whatever flesh they could find. Occasionally smiling sadistically as the other screamed in pain or aggression. When they had time to take a breath, a string of insults flowed out of their mouths gradually getting more and more personal.

“You know what? Maybe I should shove my foot so far up your arse that you can taste it. You’d like that right Pinky?”

“Shut the fuck up bastard. Mavis, your parents really did a terrible job raising you or maybe you’re just a horrible excuse for a person. If I ever had a son like you I think I’d kill myself.”

The last part slipped out. Natsu knew not to joke about suicide but his filters had somehow been lost in the adrenaline of the fight. Pausing in guilt and shock he took a minute to process what he’d just said and failed to notice Gray’s expression during this.

He snapped.

A strong hand slammed Natsu against the lockers behind them, smashing the back of his head so hard he blacked out for a second. His slumping body was caught by another hand pressing against his throat. He was brought back up to eye level with Gray and saw the look of pure hatred swirling in his dark eyes as the air was slowly choked out of his lungs.

They didn’t break eye contact. They couldn’t. Widening, watery green eyes of horror meeting a hollow, apathetic stare. He could hear someone shouting his name but it sounded distant, distorted. His body went numb and his vision faded into black.


	5. Home Sweet Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Abuse + description of injuries

He hadn’t realised what he was doing before a pair of strong arms wrapped around his chest, tugging and shaking at his body. His hands were locked around something and couldn’t seem to let go. Another pair of muscular arms pulled at his vice like grip and somehow loosened it enough for him to be completely dragged away, emotionless and limp.

Everything was hazy. He knew his friend was saying something to him but the words blurred into one another as if they were speaking underwater. Waves of nausea and dizziness washed over him as he attempted sitting up. Eventually his vision cleared and he managed look around.

The pink-haired boy was on the floor coughing while his blonde friend wept silently by his side. The guy with piercings was glaring at him while the bookworm from the library tried to calm him down. Was Loke still talking? Noise was overwhelming. He understood nothing except that it hurt to try and make sense of the calm voice whispering in his ear. Speaking was impossible, as if he was on mute. He desperately wanted to scream but nothing escaped his mouth. This was too much. He needed to leave.

Slowly he got to his feet and began to trudge out of the building, ignoring the heightened calls of what he recognised as his name. Glancing and the darkening sky he knew it was late. Lyon would get angry again. Maybe he deserved it.

After almost an hour his body had dragged him home, if you could even call it that. A cramped two bedroom hellhole that was falling apart at the seams. Just like his family. Luckily his brain was finally starting to come around, at least enough that he remembered it was best to sneak in the back to avoid his older brother. He had no such luck.  
Lyon was waiting for him in the kitchen, reeking of alcohol with a bottle in hand. His bloodshot eyes narrowed at Gray’s appearance.

“The fuck happened to you? Can’t even fend for yourself where you’re supposed to be popular. You really are pathetic.” He snarled. Gray tried to move past him to the next room but Lyon reached out and grabbed his upper arm, right over a particularly bad cut. Holding back from flinching, Gray stared blankly into his adoptive brother’s eyes while he was yanked forward until they were face to face. “Dyou even remember what day it is Gray?”

He was answered with a grunt.

“Even Ultear came home today you know. We were waiting for you… but you weren’t here.” 

Looking at Lyon more closely, Gray noticed a brutal storm of bruises covering the top of his right shoulder up to his neck. Deep, clean cuts across his left cheekbone and forearm had yet to scab over and there was what looked like an angry burn encircling his wrist, almost like a bracelet.

So Lyon had been subjected to Ultear and her friends’ vicious antics. From the looks of that burn, Meredy had come round. Gray was glad he avoided her and the lust for revenge against him that she seemed to inherit from his dysfunctional family. However now he had to deal with a bitter, intoxicated Lyon.

Cautiously the younger teen began to back away. Glancing at the clock he saw it was only half six; he could still go out for food and then loiter around for a while before sneaking back into the house when Lyon had finally fallen asleep. Regrettably his efforts for a quick getaway had not gone unnoticed. With a savage roar Lyon lunged forward, his fist colliding with Gray’s jaw. There was no escaping this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I really like Lyon and the whole Gray/Lyon/Meredy/Ultear family but for this all their characters will be pre fighting and making up. So basically when all three of them pretty much could have killed Gray.


	6. Aftermath

“Oh my God Serena, are you okay?”

It was the day after the fight and Natsu had just returned to work after Gajeel insisted on taking yesterday’s shift. Pulling down his scarf he revealed mottled, plum bruising in the vague shape of hands like a collar around his skinny neck.

“Shit. Gajeel told us all about it. At least you got him back good eh? He came in here last night around ten after your shift ended and he looked a right state. Black eye, busted lip and nasty bruises all over his forearms. Nice job.”

Natsu looked at Sting in confusion.

“…That wasn’t me.”

“Yeah I thought as much. Don’t get in a fight with him again Natsu, his brother’s leader of a violent group called Deliora, he must have been in plenty of fights worse than you can imagine.” Rogue’s excellent hearing allowed him to effortlessly join in the conversation as he entered the break room.

“How dyou know that?” Asked Sting frowning at his best friend.

“Wendy’s friend has a cousin that’s in that group and I’ve overheard him and his friend’s talking about his brother, Lyon Vastia. He’s pretty dangerous.”

“So you’re doing background checks on Wendy’s friends now? Really Rogue you go above and beyond when it comes to being overprotective. You really should-“

“Are you saying his brother beat him up after our fight?” Natsu interrupted. He couldn’t imagine anyone purposely hurting their own family. That wasn’t right. Hell, he wouldn’t even really want to hurt Gajeel let alone someone like Zeref of his dad.

Rogue nodded solemnly while holding his hand over Sting’s mouth to prevent anymore irrelevant outbursts.

“What happened for him to really hurt you like that? I can’t imagine he started off by doing something that drastic.”

Guilt washed over Natsu’s face as his eyes dropped to a particularly interesting stain on the floor. Silence held the room for a couple of minutes before Natsu muttered his answer.

“I said… I said that if I had a son like him I would have committed suicide.”

Rogue’s grip on Sting tightened as his eyes widened and nostrils flared.

“Oh.” The single syllable barely forced its way through his lips before his composure shattered and he strode out of the room. On the night their parents went missing all Rogue had been left with was a suicide note urging him not to look for his father’s body. Renewed waves of guilt tugged at Natsu’s conscience while Sting stared at him stony faced.

“You really shouldn’t make jokes about that you know.” He said flatly before leaving to check on Rogue. Natsu buried his head into his hands slouching against the wall. If anyone had made a comment like that to Rogue during a fight, both himself and Sting would have done the same thing if not worse. Had he triggered Gray in some way?

***

The next morning Gray’s empty bench in the workshop stared at Natsu throughout their tech lesson. A bitter reminder of his stupidity. Why had he chosen technology? He was much better at destroying things than creating especially on a day where he was wracked with guilt. Luckily Miss Olietta noticed he was having an off day and sent him to get extra wood from the art block. Or maybe it was just because he’d crushed five wooden models in the first half an hour alone.

There was no rush. Lazily following his own feet across the school and into the art block he scanned his surroundings. Various pictures and paintings covered the walls which were pretty to look at but nothing really caught Natsu’s eye until he turned the corner.

On the opposite wall were three canvasses. Slowly Natsu edged closer until he could see the intricate detail in the work. Firstly, a large square canvas with a brain painted in a pale violet and a chunk missing. Although you could see the almost gruesome detail of the organ, it was also painted in a way to make it look translucent and fragile.

Ice. Yes, it looked like an ice sculpture where part had been shattered, throwing out tiny shards and a thin veil of mist. To the right there was a portrait canvas containing a powder blue damaged heart and, underneath that, a picture of a turquoise fractured fist. All three were made to look like precious creations pain-stakingly carved out of ice only to melt away and disappear. Except this ice was unmeltable.

“Would you like to see more of his work?”

Natsu spun around, startled to be interrupted from the trance the art had put him in. When he didn’t reply, the art teacher he recognised as Mr Jonah beckoned him to a computer and began searching through files until he found what he was looking for. There on the screen were photos of the ice sculptures in the paintings. Unbelievably someone of his age had been able to create something so detailed and delicate out of ice before it had a chance to melt.

He continued on through the photos, his usually sporadic attention span completely captured in ice. There were swords with elaborately decorated hilts, axes with intricate grips on the handle and arrows covered in baroque patterns. Once in a while he would recognise a face in the more complicated ice figures shown in the photographs.

After ten minutes they were nearing the end of the folder when he stopped. No, this couldn’t be right. On the screen there was a figure slumped over a desk with a serene look on its face underneath spiky hair and the ice was dyed…pink?

Seeing Natsu’s bewilderment at the photos, Mr Jonah just laughed.

“You’re quite the inspiration it seems. He’s never taken so many tries at the same thing, he just really wanted to get the colour of your hair right I guess.”

Clicking through the next few pictures, Natsu stared at this peaceful, unaware version of himself in varying shades of pink and slightly different poses. _So he really was an art student then._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Sorry if Natsu seems quite OOC this chapter. Not quite sure how many times we’ve seen a guilty Natsu but one thing I know for sure is although he fights hard, he would never purposely be malicious. I imagine he’d be quite stubborn/sensitive about potentially triggering someone (when we first see Deliora in canon he keeps his fighting attitude with Gray but does back off and listen to Gray’s story) I also think he’d feel quite guilty if he had understood what he’d done or had something to relate it too. We already know from very early on he looks out for Romeo when he sees him going through a similar situation to his childhood etc. So he is a compassionate guy.
> 
> As for the second half well I doubt Natsu would be one for art to be honest. I tried to mention how it was unusual for his attention to stay focussed like that. My headcanon is that he quietly (very quietly, he’d admit this over his dead body) has some admiration for the precision and creativity of Gray’s magic. Mutual respect for his rival. Anyway I shoved some symbolism in there and hopefully showed a different side of Gray as I reveal more of his character to Natsu. 
> 
> Long explanation but it’s not always great when you see characters OOC so I hope if you look at it this way it makes sense and isn’t actually that much OOC. Thanks for reading!


	7. Apology

“Natsu! Lucy!” called a voice from behind them as they approached the history block. It had been two weeks since the fight and today was the first time Gray had turned up to school since, showing no signs of the gruesome injuries Sting had mentioned. Surprisingly, they turned round to see Loke walking towards them. Lucy had already forgiven him for the unwanted flirting considering without him calming Gray down, Natsu would be much worse for wear.

“Look we’re really sorry for what happened before. Gray won’t tell us what you did but whatever it was I er… wouldn’t do that again.” He laughed nervously “But I’m sure he overreacted so in way of an apology, come to Cana’s Halloween party. Invite old metal face and his girlfriend too. I’d like to make it up to you guys somehow.” 

Hearing compassion from Loke was certainly strange but Natsu wasn’t sure he wanted to be surrounded by drunken idolised idiots. It was pretty obvious that Loke was going behind Gray’s back to do this and spending time avoiding someone in limited space didn’t sound like too much fun either.

Unfortunately Lucy had already accepted Loke’s invitation with a kind smile and he had left. Sighing, Natsu waved to Lucy as she left the school and went into the history block to borrow a textbook. With all the unwelcome distractions followed by immense guilt seeing Gray’s empty seat each lesson, he was really getting behind.

Walking into the empty classroom, Natsu noticed the unwelcome stench of cigarette smoke seeping through the broken windowpane. Peering down he saw Loke, Gray and Cana sitting in a circle. Gray smoking, bottle in hand and Cana chugging what looked like vodka. Not wanting to be caught staring, he moved to the back of the classroom to look for an old textbook before a strained voice drifted through the shattered glass.

“You’re really not gonna say anything then? How about we do something in town now eh?” he recognised this as Loke and heard a dull grunt in response. “You don’t have any plans right? So come with us.”

“I was actually going to see my parents. So I’m not hanging out with you unless you fancy talking to Karen.” The deep voice was even more flat and emotionless than usual.

“Karen huh…” Loke sighed “Guess I’ve got to face that nightmare sometime. How about you Cana? Your mum’s close by, fancy coming with us?”

“You shouldn’t talk about her like that Loke. But sure why not. I was thinking of visiting her while my dad’s out of town anyway.”

So his parents were alive but he didn’t see them a lot? Why was he so sensitive when Natsu mentioned them then? Just an overreaction like Loke said or was it something even deeper that he hadn’t even told his closest friends?


	8. Halloween

Natsu was currently sulking in the corner, fed up after what felt like hours of Lucy dragging him around and plastering make up and ridiculous costumes on him. They were in Levy’s living room, since she lived on the same road as Cana, and waiting for Gajeel to finish changing. From the banging and swearing going on upstairs he assumed Gajeel was being put through the same hell as he had been a few minutes ago.

The one good thing to come out of this party was that Sting and Rogue were also invited (something about Rogue remembering Cana’s drunk order and her wanting to repay him) meaning Natsu could finally introduce Lucy to his older friends.

She sat next to Rogue, constantly adjusting her cheerleader outfit which was painfully tight around her bust and trying to keep up with Sting’s constant chatter. Also forced to dress up, Rogue wore a police uniform which was vaguely supposed to match Sting who, of course, was a sexy nurse stockings and all.

Natsu would have preferred anything over the costume he was unwillingly shoved into. Apparently dragons weren’t cool enough for a Halloween party so Lucy had made him into a vampire. How could a shitty vampire compare to a majestic dragon? His pink hair was slicked back and sprayed black while he was smothered in pale make up. It felt like the permanent marker incident all over again. Begrudgingly he admitted he liked the cape but other than that he was still pissed that Lucy destroyed his dreams of becoming a dragon for a night. 

Finally the couple came down the stairs, Levy pouting as she adjusted her red hood and Gajeel brandishing what looked like a real axe in his hands.

“Like hell I was gonna wear ears and a tail Shrimp. I’m the woodcutter, gonna save ya from the evil wolf instead.” Noticing the wary glances at the weapon in his hand he added “It’s fake. I’m good with iron remember?”

After a few more minutes of grumbling, glowering and Sting running off with Lucy’s pompoms to do an impromptu cheer for Rogue, they finally left the house. Something in the back of his mind reminded him that he would definitely have to avoid that arsehole Gray unless he wanted to make Lucy cry again, meaning he had to spend time looking out for him instead of just having fun. Gray was grating on his nerves already and they hadn’t even gone inside yet.

Brushing these thoughts aside he went to knock on the surprisingly familiar door. Before he was able to place where he knew this house from, an unsteady Cana opened the door and immediately latched onto Sting and Rogue, revealing the party inside going on in full swing. Music blared in darkened rooms while people who were already wasted were shouting and dancing for everyone else’s entertainment.

Cana dragged them through the house to the kitchen where alcohol cluttered every surface. Sting went straight for the shots, challenging Rogue, Natsu and Cana to a drinking match. Luckily, three shots in Cana was ushered to the side by Loke frantically whispering in her ear and gesturing upstairs so the match was ended as a tie.

Already having to steady himself on Rogue, Sting grinned at Natsu.

“Let’s dance!” he cheered and Rogue took little persuasion to join him.

 _You idiots started drinking on an empty stomach again, didn’t you?_ Natsu thought to himself as he watched them swaying in perfect synchronisation. Their arms snaked around backs and pulled at waists until they were pressed flush against each other. Eyes burning with passion, they seemed to meld together as if they were the only two people in the world, leaning in further and further until their lips finally touched. After that it quickly escalated into lustful grinding which earnt some whistles and laughs from the others.

Deciding now would be an appropriate time to turn away, Natsu began to push through the crowd in search of Lucy. Spotting her avidly discussing some festive horror books with Levy while Gajeel sat drinking next to them he walked over, grabbing another drink on the way.

“Had enough of the love birds over there?” Gajeel asked gesturing to the sofa where Sting was now straddling Rogue as they exchanged sloppy kisses. Natsu rolled his eyes before downing another shot.

“They’re a couple?” asked Lucy.

“They live together, spend all their time together and are wearing matching fucking costumes. Matching for them anyway. Actually I’m pretty sure half the reason Sting wore a dress was so people would assume he’s a girl in this lighting to avoid as many homophobic comments,” replied Natsu.

At some point during this explanation Gajeel had dragged Levy off to ‘show ‘em how it’s done’ so Natsu and Lucy were left alone at the table.

“Speaking of couples, anyone here look interesting to you?” She nudged him with a wink.

Natsu sighed.

“I’m not attracted to drunk people Luce. Anyway I’m only interested in something like that,” he gestured to Sting and Rogue “a mate or destiny or something. Cheesy shit that’d you’d love in those novels Erza lends you. What about you?”

Lucy’s face flushed and she turned away muttering something under her breath that sounded like ‘That’s really not what those books are about…’ before looking back at Natsu nervously.

“What dyou think about Loke? I know the rumours but him apologising and inviting us here, doesn’t seem anything like that Loke would do, maybe people have got him all wrong.”

Natsu just shrugged, knowing Lucy’s obsession with books had led her to fantasise about romantic, fairy tale situations and she wouldn’t be deterred before her prince actually cheated on or flat out rejected her. Mindless chatter about various things involving romance continued until Natsu got bored of Lucy’s attention shifting to Loke and pushed her over to talk to him.

Hours passed and everyone got progressively more drunk. Lucy was lazily playing around with Loke exchanging soft strokes and tickling under the chin and they were _purring? Man Lucy is even weirder when she’s drunk, it’s terrifying._ Sting and Rogue were nowhere to be seen, Levy had collapsed after laughing way too hard and Gajeel had finally had enough and thought it was time to go home.

“Oi Salamander, go get the twins would you.” He grunted while throwing Levy over his shoulder. “I’ll take care of shrimp and the freaky cheerleader over there.”

Natsu nodded and started searching rooms until he got to the bottom of the staircase and heard _something_ that sounded suspiciously like Sting. Sighing he headed up the stairs, they never could keep their hands off each other could they. The sounds increased in volume as he drew nearer to the landing so he decided they must have snuck into one of the bedrooms. Taking the first room on the left, Natsu slowly opened the door. They weren’t there.

Just an empty bed with a few pictures on the bedside table of- _wait is that Gildarts?_ Inching forward to get a closer look, Natsu stumbled and fell onto something cold and hard. A muffled groan rose up from underneath him as he began to get up and found himself staring into dark, piercing eyes.

_Gray Fullbuster._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I apologise for awkward dialogue still working out how to write natural conversations in character. Also I assume people know about how drinking on an empty stomach lets alcohol absorb into the bloodstream very quickly so you get very drunk very fast. That being said have you seen how much Natsu eats? He’d definitely be a heavyweight so he’s only tipsy here. 
> 
> Can you tell I love Stingue? Also I kinda shoved some headcanons in that Sting talks all the time, never shuts up ever (although I’m pretty sure he’s chatty in canon I can’t remember the extent to that). Rogue will not allow any PDA… unless he’s drunk… so naturally Sting gets him drunk as much as possible. Loke is a giggler because why not. 
> 
> I hope people are getting some obscure and some blatantly obvious puns involving characters magic and canon interests (Lucy loves fairy tales does she?) I have been throwing them in as much as possible throughout this fic because I think their magic makes up a massive part of their character and also because puns are great. So yeah let’s put an end to a very chatty note and a pretty chatty chapter and I’ll give you a spoiler - the whole next chapter will be about Natsu and Gray together (finally!).


	9. Drunk Conversations

“Who the fuck are you?” Gray slurred, still lying underneath a startled Natsu.

“You really are charming when you’re shitfaced you know that?” Quipped Natsu as he got up and made for the door.

Gray tried to sit up to see the newcomer and ended up paling slightly and falling back on the floor with a grunt. He was the embodiment of Natsu on a vehicle. Feeling at least a tiny bit of sympathy when seeing his motion sickness symptoms on another poor soul, Natsu decided to at least help the guy up off the floor and into the bed.

“Ugh you’re one heavy bastard you know that? God you stink of booze too, you’re gonna regret that in the mornin’.” He muttered mostly to himself as he flung the raven-haired teen over his shoulder, stumbling slightly when he heard muffled laughter from his right.

“I’ve done worse. If I can forget everything for a while it’s worth it then eh?” Natsu snorted, was he really gonna get into a conversation with the guy who viciously attacked him a few weeks before. “Oi. Take me outside, I wanna smoke.”

“Che. You really are a dumb bastard, you’ll get cancer and smell even worse than you do now you know.” Natsu chided but still turned around and headed for the back door. He would dump Gray outside then go find Sting and Rogue and get the fuck out of here. Sounded like a simple enough plan.

On their way down they passed Loke and Lucy. Gray held out his hand expectantly until the giggling boy shoved a pack of cigarettes into his palm. Grumbling profanities in increasing volume, a slightly tipsy Natsu struggled to the door and dropped Gray onto a chair. The artist’s head lulled forwards until he jerked back with a start and looked hazily at Natsu.

“Got a lighter?”

Sighing, Natsu reached into his pocket and chucked the lighter he always carried at Gray.

“You really wanna do that?”

“Well it’s an addiction and it keeps hunger away so I’m gonna say… yeah.” Scanning the taught, exposed stomach and chest Natsu supposed that Gray was on the skinny side, muscles only protruding since they had no other flesh to hide behind.

“You care that much about your weight?”

“More like… there’s limited food resources in the Fullbuster house. Lyon doesn’t like sharing.” He laughed, eyes glazing over as his attention drifted to the cigarette.

“Your parents don’t feed you?”

“Not since I was eight years old. I can’t get a job anyway so it’s what I can find at the back of the fridge or buy with stolen money.”

“You’re a thief now Fullbuster?”

“Nah but my sister is. Scrap that she’s way worse than a common thief, wouldn’t be surprised if she’d killed someone to be honest. Anyway it’s the only way to get money off Lyon without fighting or begging. It’s not stealing if you’re family right?”

“Jesus you must be out of your mind if you’re trying to frame your sister for murder.” Gray just shrugged as he took another drag of his cigarette. “Why are you telling me all this?”

Gray looked at him in confusion, his gaze taking a while to focus on the teen in front of him.

“Well I have no clue who you are so I’m guessing you don’t go to Fairy Tail and even if you decide to spread this shit, I’m so drunk there’s no guarantee that I told you the truth. Even though I ammm.” He whispered the last part, placing a shaky finger over his lips.

“Being popular means that your brother being an arsehole would make great gossip?” Natsu scoffed. “Exciting.”

“Not that. The other thing about regrets.” He mumbled.

“What are you talking about stripper?”

“Eh? I didn’t say that out loud? Well it’s a secret – I’m not gonna tell you.”

“Fine by me.”

“Alright I’ll tell you, but shhhh.” He attempted a wink, “A few weeks ago I completely fucked up. It was Ur’s anniversary and I was late and this guy said something… wrong. Loke said I overreacted though. Said I coulda seriously hurt ‘im if not worse. I don’t even remember it but I feel fuckin’ terrible. Scary huh?” He grimaced before noticing Loke behind them.

“Leeeeeooo did you miss me?” Loke’s face was stern as he rubbed his temples. “You look like a lion you know? A lion! Hahaha Leo… Leo I-” he cut off, hand flying to his mouth as he hunched over “-I’m gonna be sick.”

“For fuck’s sake Gray. Not again.” He turned to Natsu. “Get out of here Natsu. Forget whatever he told you. He’s gonna kill me tomorrow. Just go. Please.”

Drowning out the retching and spluttering filling the night air, Natsu ran. Thoughts about tonight whirling around his head until he felt sore all over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N It’s hard to write drunk characters argh. I don’t have enough experience/memory to do that properly so I based Gray off… someone who happened to manage spilling her own secrets to people she didn’t like and also fell down concrete stairs without even noticing so that’s the level of drunk we’re going for here. Honestly this was really hard to write because I don’t think it seems that dramatic and then we have a pretty dramatic last two sentences but saying you have to steal to get food and sister has killed someone is pretty fucking big right? Eh I’m tired and don’t know how to fix it so here you go. See you next week :)


	10. Hangover

Groaning softly, Gray’s eyelids fluttered open only to slam shut at the bright light coming from outside. What time was it? Every muscle ached and accompanied by a splitting headache and feeling like he had swallowed sand this was probably his worst hangover to date.

A hand pushed a glass of water into his face and he blanched, batting the cup across the room just to be met with another from his friend’s other side.

“I’ll be sick.” He mumbled.

“You need to drink it. Come on, I’ll get you junk food if you drink one glass.” Loke’s voice was stern as usual. As much as he flirted and slept around, at the end of the day all he cared about was being loyal and looking out for his friends.

Begrudgingly Gray accepted the ice cold water and shuddered as it washed away a little of his fatigue. Then he used Loke’s arm to pull himself off the floor and staggered towards the front door, noticing Cana still sound asleep on the couch on the way. Deciding it would be much better for their safety to leave Cana undisturbed and bring back some food for her later, the boys left and moved sluggishly along the road.

“So you were pretty drunk last night,” Loke started after a few minutes of silence. _Oh great. Here comes the lecture._

“You don’t say.” Gray rolled his eyes.

“Dyou remember anything?”

The raven-haired teen just shrugged as they entered the fast food restaurant and walked up to the familiar cashier. After adjusting his ponytail so even more of his face was covered than usual, Rogue gave a blank look to the pair of customers and absentmindedly brushed his hand over the bites on his neck.

“Fuck Loke he has more hickeys than you.” Gray muttered.

“You got a girlfriend now Rogue?” asked Loke.

“Boyfriend.” Came the monotone reply as their usual order was shoved into their hands. Unnoticed, Sting had crept up behind Rogue while glaring at Loke and Gray.

“Stay away from my boyfriend. And Natsu too while you’re at it. Especially you Fullbuster.”

 Taking the cue to leave, the boys moved to a booth in the back corner.

“Natsu?” asked Gray.

“Dragneel. All three were at the party last night, don’t you remember?”

“Eh? Dragneel wasn’t there, I woulda recognised his dumb dye job sticking out like a sore thumb.”

“Only because you spent hours staring at his photo for your sculptures.”

“Shut up. He’s gotta have one redeeming feature in his appearance or I’d feel bad for taking the piss out of a guy with a face like his.”

Loke just sighed in reply, taking a chunk out of his burger while Gray sipped on one of his three cold drinks. A few minutes passed in comfortable silence before Loke attempted to breach the subject again.

“So… What do you think of Natsu?”

“Why dyou care so much? Jealous? I’ve got enough friends Loke I don’t need childish, cocky douchebags either. What can I say, he’s got a nice shade of pink in his hair but I’ve got an artist’s eye. That’s the only reason I noticed.”

“Really, you’re not interested in him?”

“You’re seriously asking me if I’m interested in someone whose friend just threatened me to keep us apart? The guy pisses me off. So happy all the time, probably wouldn’t know trouble if it smacked him in the face. Dumb shits like that who believe all the rumours that are spread about us can suck my fucking dick… No not like that!” He added seeing Loke’s sly grin.

Holding his hands up in mock defeat, Loke led Gray out of the restaurant and back to Cana’s. They dropped a bag full of food next to her while she was still knocked out on the couch before leaving and locking the door after them. Being close friends for years they had a rhythm and knew how things worked. Today, like every Saturday, Gray would spend the day at Loke’s and stay as long as possible until he felt ready to go home. 

They would talk about school, Loke’s latest girlfriends, Gray’s latest project, anything really. Gray would express his thanks for once again paying for his meals and letting him stay for a while and joke about getting Loke’s grandfather to adopt him. A comment always brushed aside but never forgotten.

All Loke knew about Gray’s home life was that it was bad. Horrible even. Gray’s parents were long dead and his foster mother had also passed away just over six years ago. The adoptive siblings he was left with were resentful for being stuck with another mouth to feed. Both were involved with some dangerous activities but Lyon also actively held a grudge for not being able to surpass Ur by going to uni to study robotics or engineering. Having to work hard to provide the bare minimum for their family had left Lyon bitter and aggressive. One way or another he would take it out on Gray but he didn’t know the details.

For as long as he had known Gray there had been periods of time where he would disappear for a few weeks without a word. Staying in the house he hated was unusual enough but when he reappeared he would always be unscathed and unwilling to talk about it. Even after Cana assured him this was normal behaviour for their friend, he could tell Gray was hiding something. However, prying deep into his personal life and scaring his best friend away wasn’t on his to do list. All he could do was be supportive and check up on his friend as often as possible. Watch and wait. Watch and wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I may have forgotten about them being hungover by the time their conversation started oops. Let’s just pretend they perked up quickly. I also snuck some more background info in there and hopefully you can see that hiding his injuries is the reason Gray can’t get a job.


	11. Graveyard

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick reminder that Natsu thinks Gray's parents are still alive but don't live with him for some reason so could be why they don't feed him...

“Happy! Happy?” Natsu called searching through his cramped apartment for a sign of the little blue cat.

Realising there was nowhere left for his feline companion to hide, he tightened his scarf and headed out into the chilly November air. Never before had he managed to neglect looking after his cat on fireworks night, a particularly tense day for all pet owners, but yesterday that had been the last thing on his mind.

Gray had confided in him - albeit unknowingly and completely drowned in booze. Still, he had shared personal information about his situation and Natsu had the overwhelming urge to help this guy. No matter how terrible his personality was, no one deserved to be almost starved by their own family.

On the other hand, Gray was black out drunk and prone to showing off so could his words really be trusted? Revealing a possible murderer in his family wasn’t something to boast about but it wasn’t likely was that to be true either. However from Rogue’s description of Lyon and what he had overheard in the history block, everything else added up. Let alone the fact that he openly regretted the choking incident. It wasn’t an apology or reason for forgiveness by any means but if Gray didn’t even have memories of it (assuming none returned when he was sober) that surely meant he hadn’t been in control. Natsu had said something _wrong_ and it must have triggered him. Maybe he had just been stressed from whatever anniversary they were celebrating and it had been too much.

Still scanning the roads for Happy, Natsu sighed and wished he had someone to rant to or discuss this with to clear up his painfully jumbled thoughts. He wouldn’t share this though. No matter how much he hated someone he knew that personal information shouldn’t be shared lightly or without permission, one of the many lessons ingrained into him as a child. That one had stuck with him ever since an unfortunate incident involving Igneel’s colleagues coming round for dinner, Zeref going through puberty and Natsu catching him at an awkward time and wanting to share.

Did he even hate Gray? At the moment it was probably a yes except when his bloodstream was fifty percent alcohol. He hated him. So why couldn’t he get the echoes of Gray’s drunk confessions out of his head?

Reputations were often misleading and in that moment the conversation had been so frank and honest and _real_. He saw a side of Gray that wasn’t just a front for the first time… unless of course it was all lies. At least, Lucy was convinced that Loke was completely different from the rumours as shown in a stream of excited texts over the last couple of days. Could it be the same for Gray?

***

Dropping down onto his knees, Gray dug around in his bag while the dampness soaked through his jeans and the nostalgic chill kissed his skin. He emptied a block of ice onto the frost bitten grass, stroked over the smooth edges of the gravestone and began to work. It was an almost ritual-like routine that he had adopted over these six years.

A few chunks of ice already littered the space around him, clear circuit boards and wiring half encased in the remains of Lyon’s creations. There were also a few white roses and flower carvings which was rare but even Ultear would pay her respects at this time of year. Ur had taught them all about art and sculpture. She was a brilliant teacher but Gray had still never quite got his head around how she and Lyon could hide motors inside ice and make it move.

Ice was fragile. Ice was clear cut and see through. Ice was all he knew. Ur had wanted to give them freedom with art, where anything was possible and could be created as soon as you imagined it. An ideal world where you took the cold, harsh bitterness in your hands and shaped it to give it new life but now they were trapped in the past and it was all Gray’s fault.

What idiot would catch a glimpse of his long dead father and run out into a main road to follow it. An impulsive, irrational child who hadn’t even cared about his own life at that moment, that’s who,  but of course Ur had been right behind him and pushed him out of the way just before getting hit by a car. Lyon told them over Ur’s hospital bed that Gray could have avoided the whole thing and that he almost definitely could have made it across the road without Ur sacrificing herself for him. It was his fault she was in a coma. It was his fault that after three years they could no longer afford the huge hospital fees and Lyon had to pull the plug. It was his fault she was dead. In not accepting his father’s death, he had taken the life of yet another of his parents.

He sat there empty. His insides feeling as numb as his bare hands handling the ice although he was sure he couldn’t feel the reassuring bite of the cold as much as he used to. This was how he survived, emotionless, hollow and cut off from anyone who might care for him too much and put themselves in danger in the process. 

Tucking away his tools and placing the finished work in the centre of the grave, Gray made to leave but was stopped by something warm and fluffy jumping into his lap. A little cat rubbed itself up against his chest and batted at the ends of his scarf while Gray brought a hesitant hand up to pet it. Soft vibrations rumbled through the soft, dyed fur and he noticed a pair of grubby fairy wings strapped to the cat’s back.

“Who the fuck puts wings on a cat,” he muttered while straightening out the battered wings and attempting to wipe off some of the grime. Before he had the chance to wonder if the cat was lost, he heard footsteps pounding up the path and looked up to see a familiar flash of pink hair running towards him. “Fuck.” He leapt up ignoring the indignant mewl from the cat and strode away as fast as he could, hoping that he hadn’t been noticed.

***

“Happy, thank god that’s where you were. I don’t know why you like it so much in the cemetery.” Natsu sighed wrapping his arms around the cold body. “Who was that guy you were with, it looked like someone I know but that just shows how overactive my imagination has got.” He laughed before glancing over the grave they were standing on.

Lumps of ice were strewn through the grass along with flowers, propellers and various other mechanical parts. In the centre was a beautifully crafted sculpture of a woman looking angelic surrounded by the remnants of old works and offerings for the dead. A dull feeling spread through Natsu’s stomach as he realised where he’d seen this artwork before and his eyes moved up to the gravestone.

“UR MILKOVICH – SHE FACED OUR DEMONS SO WE DIDN’T HAVE TO.”

_Ur’s anniversary... Shit._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello I’m back! Had to take a break to write for Gratsu week even though I didn’t quite finish those and I honestly needed a break with this just to keep the story moving. I have about four more half written chapters at the moment so we should be good for a few weeks but with school and everything the updates might be a bit more random. Always on a Sunday though. Next chapter will be filler/timeskip so I can get my numbers right for the big shit storm that is coming after that but should hopefully still give some insight and stuff. Anyway brace yourselves for the chapter after next – bye!


	12. Christmas

November flew by and with coursework, mock exams and mountains of homework they soon reached the end of term exhausted and relieved. Natsu had since brushed all concerns for Gray aside, seeing no evidence that anything they had discussed was true and deciding that everything he had said was just drunk nonsense. They still bickered and argued every time they were in the same room and memories of the raw, artistic side of Gray and whatever pain he must have been going through simply slipped his mind. After all who didn’t have dead friends? Lisanna’s death two years ago definitely hadn’t turned him into a moody arsehole so why was Gray any different?

Still the house felt empty around this time of year. Even when Zeref returned from uni the gap left by their father seemed to magnify along with the holes in their hearts. Now it was Christmas day and Natsu was absolutely stuffed, leaning back in his chair while Happy curled up on his bulging stomach. He glanced at Zeref who nodded reassuringly before they both slowly moved towards the roaring fireplace.

Ever since their dad had gone missing seven years ago they had developed a strange ritual for when they wanted to send him things, thoroughly believing he was still alive and well somewhere out there. Igneel was a warm man with a fiery spirit, scorching even, and a loving father who was dearly missed every day. He taught history with such fascination and passion it was almost as if he was recounting his own experiences from four hundred years ago.

He was most interested in fires. How they were used in work, crime, ceremonies and communication made up a lot of his research. One particular story Natsu remembered was how people who were lost on deserted islands used smoke signals to try and be rescued. Often Zeref would let him make a bonfire in their small back garden and practice sending messages in the hopes that Igneel had merely forgotten where they lived and was looking for them. Later on this had developed into talking or placing things directly into the fire to ‘send’ them to Igneel.

Now they sat on their knees, Zeref carefully reaching forward to tip some turkey into the blaze as Natsu reached behind them to the scrawny Christmas tree, grabbing two small presents and throwing them into the heat.

“We’ll find him one day won’t we?” Natsu’s belief in Igneel was as strong as the roaring flames in front of them but in times like this he needed reassurance from someone with a more rational mind set.

Zeref hummed and gave him a rare warm smile while patting him on the shoulder. They stared into the fire for a little while longer, reflecting on all the moments in the past year when he should have been there. Bringing himself back into the room, Natsu shook his head and smiled.

“We definitely will find him! Don’t you worry Zer.” He said before pulling himself up and going to get seconds.

***

Silence brimming with tension and unease gripped the room as the sullen trio tried not to make eye-contact. Gray was hunched over on the floor opposite Ultear who was lounging lazily on the sofa with Lyon perching on the arm at the other end. Empty plates littered the coffee table but no one made a move to put them away. After all they would probably end up broken like most things in this house.

Gray turned his head to stare out the window, wondering how much longer he would have to suffer in silence before his siblings went to their bedrooms and he was left on the stained carpet in here. He’d given up sleeping on the couch after Lyon made it a habit to shove him off every time he passed which resulted a few too obvious bruises from the table corner. Plus it went without saying that if Gray slept in Ultear’s room while she wasn’t there she would kill him.

He hated Christmas. He hated feeling inadequate when all he could offer his friends was a block of ice that’d melt and deform before the day was through. He hated how the memories of Christmas with his parents and the one he had spent here with Ur were being eaten up by whatever this was.

It was the only time their family would gather except for the anniversary of Ur’s death and it showed. Any conversation was forced and choppy so Gray didn’t even attempt to join in. They didn’t have enough money for presents and if they did they wouldn’t buy any for each other. Every year some kind of effort was made to recreate the one ‘perfect’ Christmas they had shared years before. As if, if they could go back to a time before Ur died then it would have never really happened.

This year they were waiting for The Snowman to flicker onto the old TV screen in the corner. However, as usual, it did nothing to help lift their spirits. Ultear got up and left before they were even halfway through with Lyon following shortly after, leaving Gray to flinch as the snowman melted into nothing and the little boy was left crying and alone. Seemed familiar somehow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N I know I know! Nothing happened in this chapter okay? I couldn’t just skip two months and start in January next chapter (which won’t be mentioned but it’s the new year) this is pure filler. I also wanted to do a direct comparison to show how they were coping with similar things…which could turn into a theme actually Natsu and Gray are kind of similar. Thank you everyone who’s left a review especially those who comment as they go (someone actually apologised for a long review but I loved it) it really helps me to see what people like and what I could include or add in before next time.


	13. Nightmare

Footsteps pounded down the corridors before the door was flung open and a young man with black hair stood panting in the doorway.

“Natsu…it’s Igneel.”

Eyes widening Natsu grabbed his things and rushed out behind his older brother. Zeref refused to say anything about what was going on until they reached their destination, leaving an anxious atmosphere to fill the car along with some groaning from Natsu. Judging from Zeref’s expression and the uneasy feeling in his stomach that wasn’t just from motion sickness, Natsu could tell that it wasn’t good news.

Eventually the car screeched to a halt and the brothers stumbled out, totally unprepared for the sight that met their eyes next. Nine bodies were laid out in a row to the left and on the right hand side there was another group of bodies, this time there were five, with people huddled around them.

Words scratched at Natsu’s dry throat allowing only a shaky breath to escape him as he followed Zeref forward. As they drew closer, Natsu realised he recognised everyone on the right. Sting and Rogue were staring blankly ahead looking seemingly unfazed but Natsu saw Sting’s legs quivering violently and Rogue’s desperate grip on his hand was turning their knuckles bone white. Gajeel remained indifferent and was bent down awkwardly trying to console a sniffling Wendy. Waterfalls of tears rushed over her cheeks, dampening the white fur of the cat she had somehow managed to bring here and was now clutching tightly to her chest.

At present they had been approached by a police officer who cleared her throat, deciding it was best to explain the situation before they got any further.

“One of our officers stumbled upon the bodies of fifteen people last night. We have since identified the parties and determined they were facing off against each other. One group were the leaders of a dangerous terrorist group called Tartarus and the other was a specialised team put together by the Council to take them down. As you have probably guessed this group contained your father Igneel Dragneel”- Natsu’s heart dropped and his hands instinctively clenched into fists, refusing to accept the Igneel was dead without proof -“and the others who all happened to go missing on the same day which we’re assuming was the work of the Council too. I’ll take you to your father now. We’ve separated the two groups out of respect and obviously the group that destroyed Tartarus and their plan to end all life as we know it will be treated as heroes.”

“What about that one in the middle?” Zeref asked.

“Ah. Well, we have reason to believe that there was a double agent within Tartarus as he was shot in the back by one of his own rather than one of your parents. The Council have yet to get back to us on if they sent a spy into Tartarus and if not then he was already some kind of traitor or coward but they don’t get that far up in big criminal organisations in my experience.”

Glancing over, Natsu saw the man in question with a trembling figure hunched over his body, fists tight and shaking as their head rested on the corpse’s chest.

“And why would our father, a history teacher, be chosen for such a dangerous task? Your whole story is ridiculous and its obvious people going missing on the same day would be linked somehow, how would that have gotten past such a genius criminal organisation? Is the Council actually just using their deaths to take credit and save face?” As usual, Zeref’s logical mind stayed intact even affected by grief.

“I’m sorry sir I can only tell you what the Council has told us and what we have found ourselv-”

“Shit.”

By now they had reached the end of the row and after avoiding looking at the other bodies the gruesome remains of their father were even more disturbing. Natsu fell to his knees, tears finally pouring down his cheeks as reality set in. Igneel was dead.

A strangled cry escaped his lips as he took in the wound across his father’s side where his body had been viciously torn apart. The rest of his skin seemed to be badly burnt and was peeling away from the flesh. Sobs wracked through his whole trembling body as he desperately searched for something, anything to prove they were wrong and Igneel was still alive somewhere. After all the body was so badly damaged it was barely recognisable right? Wrong.

Glancing up again Natsu saw the unmistakable x-shaped scar and slash across his right eye. This was Igneel. Igneel was dead. Igneel was gone. Mind whirring, he barely noticed that Zeref and the officer had moved away still engaged in conversation. Typical Zeref separating a body from the person it belonged to and not caring enough to stay without answers. The same thing had happened when Lisanna died to the point where it was almost disrespectful but that’s just how Zeref coped, isolating fond memories from their friend’s terrible endings.

Tears blurring his vision, he turned back to face Igneel’s corpse and dug his fingers into the dirt, desperately trying to ground himself. Gravel pierced and tore the skin of his hands as he shook uncontrollably, broken sentences full of regret hanging still in the cold air.

“Igneel…We spent so long looking for you..I promised Zeref, don’t make me go back on that…I-I learned how to write an-and I’m so much stronger now…I made some great new friends..I even got a job..I..I have things I want to share with you! I-I wanna talk more..I..miss you. I missed you Igneel…”

At this point speech failed him and he returned to retched sobs bubbling up from his throat and clutching at his pained chest.

***

After an hour Natsu staggered to his feet, heading towards the others who all seemed to be looking over in the same direction. Following their gaze Natsu saw a blue-haired officer gripping the arm of a boy crouched over a body and trying to pull him away.

“Please sir, you’ve been here for hours and not left his side. Just come and let Juvia get you a drink while the forensics run some tests.”

The raven-haired teen wrenched his arm out of her grip before turning rigidly to face her with venom swirling in his eyes. His midnight blue eyes… Wait, that couldn’t be… _Gray?_

“Leave me the fuck alone.” He snarled through gritted teeth, turning back towards the body before a hand clamped down on his shoulder.

“Look sir, Juvia feels responsible somehow. She was the one who found the bodies and she feels extremely guilty. She knows it’s hard to accept but-”

“HARD TO ACCEPT?” Gray roared, launching himself to his feet, “You have brought a nightmare to life. That’s what you’ve done. A fucking nightmare. I saw that scar across his head when it was fresh. He shouldn’t have lived. He shouldn’t have lived but of course he did and was out there for years without telling me? I would have been better off not knowing. I fucking saw him – I must’ve done! You fucking idiots said he was gone and now, he...” He took a step forward, reaching towards her collar as his legs gave in and was swiftly caught by the officer. His head rested against her chest while he wailed into the cold dry air.

“Gray…” Natsu’s voice was barely a whisper but it alerted the others to his presence.

“He knows someone that was in Tartarus? He’s in with the people who murdered our parents?” Sting asked his fists already braced and teeth bared.

“No. They separated that body from the rest of the group although I don’t know what that means. Don’t jump to conclusions Sting.” Rogue reasoned but he remained in a defensive stance.

Hushed whispers and murmurings continued through the group as they looked on from a distance. Eventually Gray must have heard something, turning sharply towards the group before his eyes widened in horror and he quickly moved over to face his loved one’s body once again. The group dissipated soon after that.

***

Natsu returned to Igneel’s side for a few more hours until dusk fell around him and he was staring into darkness. Zeref had been giving him space until now when a familiar hand tapped his shoulder signalling it was time to go. He let himself be pulled along while constantly looking back at Igneel, just in case it was some kind of sick joke and he’d jump up any second. Reality was taking time to set in and Natsu was stubborn. This couldn’t be true, none of it made sense, even Zeref was confused for God’s sake. Just before they reached the car the same police officer from earlier rushed in front of them, stopping them in their tracks.

“I’m so sorry to ask you this after such a long day but could you do me a favour?” She asked nervously. “It’s dark out and there’s no bus stops around here. That boy hasn’t got a car and I won’t let him walk home in a state like this in such a dangerous area. He refuses to go with me or Juvia even though she’s offered a few times and at least one of us has to stay here on guard so I was wondering um… if you could take him?”

Drained of all energy and emotion the Dragneels just shrugged and got into the car. Natsu really didn’t want to deal with Gray right now, a fight with him was probably the only thing that could make this day any worse. Not to mention how the person he was there for was involved with a terrorist organisation, the one that murdered his father no less! Still, he looked pretty shaken up about it and they hadn’t known Igneel was anything other than a history professor so it was possible he was in a similar situation to them.

It took twenty minutes of struggling and a threat of being cuffed and taken home by Officer Lockser for Gray to slump down into the backseat. His face was back to its usual bitter scowl with no signs of the scene he made earlier. They set off in silence, Natsu immediately clapping a hand over his mouth and retching violently.

Half an hour passed before they got caught in traffic and Natsu managed to show some compassion.

“Dyou…ugghh…wanna talk about it?” He groaned. Cold blue eyes flicked down to look at him in distain before Gray moved even further away from Natsu and continued to stare into the night. “Look, we just lost our dad who was missing for seven years. I’m sure we can relate somehow to your situation, I’m trying to comfort you here!”

“Your dad was missing for seven years? Well mine was dead for ten. I fucking win. Now piss off.” Malice was laced into every word and Natsu took a while to process it. Gray was already getting on his nerves by mocking their pain from Igneel and it took everything he had to carry on like nothing had happened while fighting the effects of motion sickness.

“…Dead?”

“Yeah. They told me he died ten years ago along with my mum and everyone on our street except for me, a terrorist attack they said. And now…” He took a shuddering breath, “now they’re telling me he might have faked his own death then to become a fucking spy and take Tartarus down from the inside. My whole world got destroyed that day and it’s probably his fucking fault but now after all this time he reappears and he’s already fucking dead. No explanation. No guarantee that my own father didn’t kill my mum and nearly took me with her. He might not even have been a spy! He could have gone along and murdered and destroyed with the rest of those fuckers. So please tell me again about how we’re in the same boat and we should use the power of friendship to get through this because you don’t know a fucking thing about me.” Gray’s angry glare swept over Natsu to Zeref before he muttered through gritted teeth. “Fuck this. I’m getting out. Thanks for the ride.”

Wrenching the door open he got out of the car and slammed it hard enough to send a painful jolt through Natsu’s body. Gray’s coat and scarf fluttered across the seats as he stormed off into the darkness. Natsu blinked in stunned silence before the car lurched forward and he returned to retching. That was a lot of information to take in on its own, let alone when motion sickness was clouding his thoughts. He’d have to take back the clothes another time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Woah I have had this scene planned for ages and I think I pulled it off? Maybe? Without four hundred years of loneliness and destruction to mess up Zeref’s mental state I’m really not sure how to characterise him. Obviously I have to put stuff in context so I decided to go with him being logical about everything and reacting to death like how he treated Mavis’s body in canon. Also he cared way more about resurrecting Natsu than his parents (that we know of).   
> I know Gray bottles up his feelings but I thought it would be interesting to see him snap and even when you keep them in they have to come out sometime. Don’t even get me started about how annoyed I am that Juvia was so involved with Silver’s death. In canon it would have happened regardless of her defeating Keyes but I understand why she would feel guilty. However when your dad dies for the second fucking time after going through some serious trauma the last thing you want to do is reassure someone that it wasn’t their fault etc. I did like the comforting scene though so I did my spin on it.   
> Also congratulations to me for having amazing inspiration for a dramatic scene in the car after a trip and completely forgetting about Natsu’s motion sickness. Still kept it though. Longest chapter and author’s note yet! I would really appreciate any constructive criticism you have especially on dramatic and emotional aspects. Thanks! (Also just noticed this is chapter 13 and 13’s an unlucky number talk about accidental symbolism)


	14. Funeral

The funeral was stiff and formal where the seven teens sat in and amongst police officers in uniform. Zeref and Rogue managed to say a few quiet, more personal words including stories about Grandine and Weisslogia since Sting and Wendy refused to speak, instead latching onto each other and sobbing silently through the whole service. Their shuddering breaths punctuated solemn speeches and filled pauses with anguish while the others offered quiet comfort. Meanwhile Gajeel got out his guitar and sung traditional song his father used to play for him which for once moved everyone to tears. Hidden away at the back Gray watched on as his father’s body was laid to rest whispering the frantic prayers and heartfelt words he couldn’t bring himself to share. It was definitely not what any of their parents would have wanted but they were being treated as heroes and therefore needed a proper ceremony run by the police instead of a smaller, more personal service. Plus it wasn’t as if seven people in education could afford a funeral, let alone one for six people.

Natsu was restless in his awkwardness and itching to leave throughout the whole ordeal. He muttered hurried thanks to a few officers who stopped him before finally bursting out of the church doors. As he turned the corner he saw a familiar scruffy beard and mop of chestnut hair under a captain’s hat.

“Gildarts! You’re back!” He called while running over only to stop in his tracks when he saw who Gildarts was talking to. A familiar scowl was aimed at him as the teen mumbled some words to Gildarts and left after keys had been pressed into his hand. “…You know Gray?”

Gildarts laughed, heartily patting Natsu on the back before he seemed to remember where they were and stopped.

“Of course I do. He’s my third favourite kid, well fourth after Lisanna. He’s been down at the station quite a few times since he was young although I haven’t seen him lately, my Cana looks after him now.”

“Oh yeah Cana.. I saw a picture of you at her house, I mean your house.”

“You know Cana?” The old man’s face lit up as he started to explain the whole ‘not knowing he had a daughter until she was a teenager’ thing and then continued to gush about how great she was. “She’s the light of my life Natsu I’ve gotta spend all the time I have with her making up for all those years I didn’t know she existed.”

“That’s great... But more importantly it’s been a while since we’ve seen each other. Fight me, Gildarts.” It wasn’t said in his usual over-enthusiastic manner, more a determined yet resigned statement.

Gildarts shook his head “Not now, we’re at a funeral here. A police captain can’t be seen fighting a kid anyway Natsu you know that.”

“Fight. Me. Gildarts.”

“No.” He replied, a little firmer this time.

“I have to get stronger… for Igneel. I will get stronger for him. I’ll become a police officer and protect people from bastards like Tartarus just like him. Or even better than him. I have to. I have to…” He trailed off, unsteady on his feet from the wave of emotion that just hit him.

“Okay, easy buddy. Look if you want to join the force I can help you out alright? I’m sure you’ll make a great officer. Just calm down for a sec kid you’re scaring me.”

Warm hands patted his back and held his shoulders steady as he slowly came out of the pool of memories and back into the courtyard, still having to lean on Gildarts for support.

“It’ll be alright Natsu. You should come and visit me sometime, eh? I’ll help you out okay? And I won’t have to do a whole background check on you before you become friends with Cana either.” He chuckled but it was slightly too hesitant to have been genuine. Natsu just nodded as he continued leaning against the police captain and stared at the ground, determined that he wouldn’t cry when he was meant to be celebrating Igneel’s life.

“Since you’ve showed such an interest in becoming a police officer can I ask you a favour? Check on that Gray would you? He’s been so distant and jumpy lately and I’ve heard some bad rumours about his siblings but we can’t check it out without more evidence. Cana says he’s always been like that and she won’t do anything that’d upset their friendship so could you just see if he’s okay? You’re chatty right? You can do something like this.”

“You want me to spy on Gray?” Natsu asked, confused.

“Not spy! I’m tellin’ you to make a friend and check on a civilian who could be in danger of turning to crime. Contacts are everything in this business, you know?”

Well if it was going to get him in Gildarts’ good books then why not? He had to return that coat after all…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N Okay so this whole chapter turned into a set up for the next. I had to think of an equivalent to Natsu’s year out training since the whole school’s not gonna disband or anything like that but I still wanted to have something come from Igneel’s death so police officer…yeah. Originally I had planned to have this as a longer chapter where Natsu and Zeref went back with Gildarts to have dinner at his house with Cana and Gray as well but then I wasn’t sure how I could get the two alone etc. and thought of a way better idea but I stuck with the beginning of him meeting Gildarts at the funeral. I actually went to a funeral for the first time two days ago and like Sting and Wendy I was fine until the coffin came in then I cried uncontrollably like the whole time. I also realised I skipped the bit where they’re actually buried oops but it’s okay. I also might be running out of chapters so might have to take another break after the next one.


	15. Run

Natsu stood on the corner of the road and hoped that this was the right place. After some digging by himself and Lucy, Loke had told them Gray’s address although neither Loke nor Cana had been there in years so he could have moved.

The small, terraced houses were cramped together and crumbling around the edges. Grey pebbledash had fallen off the walls to leave gaping open patches, thick streaks of grime were smeared across the remaining pebbles and there was also something suspiciously dark red spattered across a house further down the street. Gray’s house was supposed to be the one on the corner and it didn’t look much better. All the curtains were drawn except for where a window was shattered on the ground floor and the door was battered with aggressive markings and dents.

Taking a deep breath Natsu stepped forward and knocked, brushing away the bits of paint and dirt that came off onto his knuckles. Almost immediately the door opened a crack and a dishevelled Gray stuck his head out. Anger and surprise fought for dominance in his expression before he slammed the door shut, but not quickly enough to avoid Natsu shoving his foot in the way.

Wincing in pain he pushed Gray aside and forced his way into the living room. Instantly Natsu reeled back from the rancid smell. A few chipped plates were left on the coffee table, the remains of food decayed beyond recognition, while shattered glass littered the area around the window. In the corner was a pile of thin, yellowing blankets which showed signs of recently being slept in. Mould spread from a wet patch on the ceiling and nestled itself in the corners of the room while stains from alcohol and something Natsu didn’t want to think about were left to seep into the carpet.

He looked up at Gray in horror while he was still frozen at the door, eyes wild and scared like a rabbit in headlights. The sound of a car making its way down the road snapped him out of his daze and he swung the door shut before grabbing Natsu’s wrist and dragging him into the kitchen. There was almost no time to take in the empty bottles scattered through the room and pile of broken dishes in the sink before he was yanked out of the back door as the front door opened simultaneously.

“Gray! Wha-” A fierce yet panicked look from Gray shut him up as he was again pulled forwards as Gray crept away from the house.

“Gray? Where are you? You can’t hide from me I saw you at the door. Don’t try and run from me again you piece of shit.”

They broke into a run now, red blotches already forming around Natsu’s wrist where Gray’s tight grip never faltered. Suddenly he veered to the right and dragged them down a narrow alley as Natsu heard the sound of the back door smashing against a wall in the distance. A stream of curses left Gray’s mouth as he continued to sprint through the winter evening. Even after the sounds of his pursuer died out (it seemed like they gave up soon after they left the house) he carried on running, only stopping when they were in the middle of town in a wide gap between two buildings.

Both boys took a minute to catch their breath, panting deeply as they leant against the brick wall. Natsu couldn’t help but notice that Gray’s hands were shaking, either out of fear or adrenaline he didn’t know. Finally he heard a nervous swallow before a shirt was thrust into his face and Gray rounded on him, shoving him into the wall.

“What the fuck did you think you were doing coming to my house you damn stalker?” Gray’s voice was now composed into an aggressive growl, “I’m not allowed to have people round – Lyon would have killed me! And you just fucking turn up? Without being invited? Without me giving you my address? Without me even liking you? What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“…You’re not allowed to have people over?” Natsu’s voice came out smaller than he’d like but concerned all the same.

“Huh? Well uh… strict family. That’s normal isn’t it? Yeah, that’s normal. You’re the weird one.” He had backed up slightly by this point, releasing his strong grip on Natsu’s shoulders, words slightly too fast. “How did you even know where I lived anyway?”

“Loke told me. I just wanted to give your coat back, I um, I didn’t mean to see-”

“That fucking bastard. You could have just given it to me at school you know? Didn’t have to fucking break in.”

“School started three weeks ago and you haven’t been once. I thought you might have needed it or something.” Although seeing Gray’s fingers tugging anxiously at the belt loops in his jeans he now realised it probably wasn’t a problem unless he’d left something valuable in the pockets.

The fact that Gray was clearly confused but didn’t question Natsu was strange. Grief screwing his sense of time up was possible but school had started before their parents were even found. Did he just forget?

After a while he looked up and grabbed his clothes from Natsu, stalking into the distance. He grumbled something about not being able go home now which was barely audible even with Natsu’s good hearing.

"Wait!" He called chasing after him "Let me make it up to you. I'm sorry, okay? So let me buy you a meal or something and then we're even."

"Fuck off, I don't want to spend any more time with you. I'll go home in a few hours why would I be hungry enough for a full meal dumbass."

"But you don't get fed at home." It slipped out. Those seven words that made Gray freeze on the spot like ice flowed through his veins. He turned slowly, looking hurt as if Natsu had betrayed his trust by knowing the truth.

“Just how much did Loke tell you?” His voice was low but a hint of fear was easily detectible.

How much terrible stuff was there to know? What was Gray hiding? What should he do in this situation? Lie and make it seem like Loke told him personal information about Gray behind his back? No, that would be a shitty thing to do and it wasn’t Loke’s fault. Would Gray believe the truth considering how much he hated him already? It wasn’t unbelievable was it? Just unfortunate that it was him that Gray spilled his secrets to.

“You told me. You were pretty drunk on Halloween. Just let me get you some food, it’s not pity I just don’t want to owe you one ya know? I’ll eat way more than you anyway.” Natsu tried his best to sound cheerful. Disguising a meal as a challenge often worked on Sting when he wasn’t eating properly so he hoped it would work here too. Gray’s nose scrunched up in thought as his pride fought with his stomach.

“Fine. You can buy me food but I’m choosing where. And this doesn’t mean we’re going to be friends or that I even like you, okay?” Natsu gave a nod.

They walked in silence, Gray’s hands trying to ease his nervousness by dancing between his necklace and belt loops. The cold silence still hung between them while they ate. Gray refused to make eye contact, instead keeping his eyes downcast and his shoulders tense but as time went on and Natsu remained too cautious to make conversation he began to relax. Eventually he looked up and didn’t pull his signature sneer when Natsu smiled at him which, as far as Natsu was concerned, was a massive improvement.

“Jesus Christ you can eat a lot.”

“Boys who can handle their food are pretty hot right?” Natsu teased while flashing him a wide grin.

“You have food in your teeth.” He only smiled wider. “You’re disgusting.”

“Your house is disgusting.” _Shit._

Gray flinched and within an instant his cold demeanour was back and the amusement in his dark eyes had dulled. Every time he spoke with Gray his filters were lost and he messed up. It was like he wanted to aggravate him, it felt natural but so wrong at the same time. It wouldn’t be half as bad if Gray didn’t look so painfully hurt each time.

“Please don’t tell anybody.” Gray’s voice was small, his eyes downcast again and fingertips fiddling with his pendant.

“I won’t, I’m sorry. Fuck. If I can do anything to help…” He trailed off, not really knowing what to offer when he had no idea what the problem was, but he’d offer all the same.

“You’ve done more than enough, thanks. Just forget about it.” His usual cutting tone was back as he moved stiffly to get up and leave. Gray was slipping away from him. He fucked up. Badly. Gildarts would never let him join the force if he couldn’t even handle this. Think, think, what could he say?

“Is it okay for you to go back yet? I mean like is it safe?” Gray faltered, eyes flicking to the side before he grimaced and went to sit back down again. “Will it be okay to go back at all today?”

Still not looking at Natsu, Gray’s expression was blank as he slightly shook his head. Looks like he’d have to find a park bench to sleep on since Loke was currently dead to him and he couldn’t think of a good excuse to turn up out of the blue this late anyway. Although the cold didn’t bother him, staying outside on a breezy winter’s night wasn’t something he was particularly looking forward to. _At least I have my coat now_ he thought bitterly.

“This is all my fault. Um, look I know you don’t like me and I totally get that but if you need a place to stay I have a warm apartment and a spare bed so?”

An actual bed. That’d be nice. Or rather it would be if he wasn’t miles out of his comfort zone right now with a near stranger who he hated. Brave the cold or stay with Natsu. Everything about him flashed red flags in Gray’s mind but he couldn’t quite pinpoint what the problem was. It wasn’t like Natsu was _dangerous,_ Gray could definitely beat him in a fight, but he stayed wary of him all the same. Sighing, he decided he didn’t really have another option and nodded, hoping that was enough for him to get the message.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been wanting to say this for ages and now’s the perfect time: I never set out to write abuse. I try desperately to keep the characters in character (although I’m not sure how well I pull it off) and part of the way I do that is by looking at why their personality is like that. E.g. Gray is closed off with his emotions because he’s been so badly hurt before, Natsu was obsessed with finding Igneel so he didn’t have to deal with the actual loss etc. Here in a modern setting Natsu can’t come back from the dead or time travel so Zeref can’t be horrifically broken over his death so they’re normal brothers. To take an orphan in you have to foster or adopt them so Ur does that with Lyon and Gray so Ultear’s their sister etc. They both blame Gray and take it out on him and he doesn’t know how to get out
> 
> I have not experienced neglect or abuse like this, I am not an expert. I looked up some signs of abuse and neglect and added them into Gray and their home and I’ll keep doing as much research as I can without upsetting myself but it’s probably not gonna be a completely accurate representation of abuse. People with PTSD (from what I’ve read) don’t trust people easily, which is completely understandable and realistically I’m not sure if Gray would have agreed to go with Natsu but that’s just where the story’s headed. 
> 
> If you can see some things that are wrong in the way I portray this please let me know (if you don’t want to comment I have a tumblr [@buy-bye-bi]() where you can private message me) so I can fix it. 
> 
> I am also not a mental health expert although I will be showing some symptoms/side effects probably mostly taken from my own experiences. For example memory loss/dissociation for periods of time is a big thing for depression and also chronic illnesses and other mental health issues. I’m not gonna be diagnosing what this version of Gray has or anything but again it’s a thing to take note of. Since the mental health stuff will be from my experience I don’t really want criticism on it because I think I’ve made it clear that people experience stuff differently and I’m not claiming these experiences to be universal for nd people.
> 
> Lastly there was a comment saying that Gray’s not in love yet but Natsu is and while you can interpret my writing however you want and it’s great to see how things come across, that really isn’t what I was trying to show. This is slow burn, this is realistic from my experiences of love and falling for people. Fics where the characters meet and then a few weeks later confess their love really bother me because love is much more complicated than that and there’s such a big difference in the degrees of a crush, fancying someone, going out, love etc. Gray doesn’t like Natsu at all at the moment (he might be slightly in denial and say he dislikes him way more than he actually does but all the same he doesn’t really like him) and Natsu has a minor crush at most. They will end up together, they might fall in love by the end, they might confess it or I might just leave it in the actions but for now they’re really not and I’d like that to be clear. 
> 
> This is because I don’t want to portray Natsu as ‘saving him’ because they’re in love or because they’re boyfriends it’s much deeper than that and although that might help him in his recovery, being in a relationship is not a cure at all that shows a very little understanding to issues like this. Gray is going to work on his issues himself and be self-reliant, the end. Even when Natsu provides him with an opportunity to get out, a safe space and provides support he’s not ‘saving’ Gray. I don’t want to say that Gray’s just using him either but it’s a mutual thing done out of friendship, kindness, decency, understanding etc. as well as eventual love. Depending on the people who help you out of bad situations forever is not a long term solution and is completely unhealthy and puts a lot of pressure on the person who offered support in the first place. Regression will happen and it won’t be their fault because ultimately you’re only responsible for yourself. (Example: Juvia destroying a whole village and nearly killing herself just because Gray left).
> 
> It’s probably noticeable that I have slightly lost direction with this fic. Everything before was leading up to finding their parents then the aftermath and now I’m trying to find a way to move it on so if you have any suggestions please tell me and I’ll probably add it in. I’m not asking for specific stuff just like before I got a comment saying ‘a chapter from Gray’s point of view was nice’ or something so I did another one. Stuff like that since it’s still very much my story and I’m not making any promises to do a specific scene. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this it was so important to get some stuff of my chest.


End file.
